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Why Nice People Cannot Set Boundaries
I was talking to an ex some time ago and expressed how important boundaries were in a relationship. I even admitted that I didn’t enforce my own when we were together but now they’re firmly in place.
She didn’t like that. To her the word “boundaries” meant that she couldn’t do certain things (to which I interpreted to mean that she couldn’t get away with certain things) and that there are consequences to actions. And she’s right!
Unfortunately, she could not understand that she also has boundaries, which if crossed, would cause her to walk away from a relationship.
Some of my boundaries include (but are not limited to) being rude to wait staff, attacking the person instead of investigating the problem, a lack of integrity (say one thing do something different), using manipulative tactics instead of asking for what you want, a lack of accountability and a refusal to address one’s issues if they cause problems interpersonally and intrapersonally.
Let me be clear about something. Some nice people can set boundaries but I think it’s far more advantageous to be kind, especially when setting boundaries. Kindness has a certain purpose behind it that niceness lacks.
Being nice is about not upsetting anyone and maintaining the peace. And yet, it also involves observing those who aren’t…
