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Why a Healthy Relationship May Seem Boring
After recounting another episode of selfishness from her ex, my friend sounded so deflated over the phone. “I just want something boring now,” she said.
I told her to be careful what she wished for because she might get it. But I understood the sentiment.
After so much time spent in awful romances, we tend to oscillate from one extreme to the other. If the relationship was drama-filled, now we want drama-free. It makes sense.
However, an interesting thing happens. When we decide we want someone reliable, someone that is truly committed, someone safe, we get bored out of our skulls when that person arrives.
We say things like, “There’s no spark. No chemistry.” For some reason, this person is exactly the type of person you’d need for a healthy relationship, but you’re just not attracted to them.
Apparently we want ammonia mixed with bleach. We want to get knocked out by chloramine vapor. We “want” toxic relationships. But why? Why can’t we put down the chemistry set of attachment disorders and relationship trauma?
Because our early love relationships with our parents or caregivers were toxic, we’ve unfortunately become accustomed to having relationships that are also toxic, drama-filled and drama-fueled. Every day is an episode of Gossip Girl.
