Member-only story
When Saying Sorry Isn’t Enough: The Five Apology Languages
Have you ever suffered an offense or an insult but when you confronted the person who hurt you their apology felt either insincere or that they clearly didn’t understand what they did wrong or perhaps it just felt like lip service?
I remember talking with a friend about something she did that hurt me and while I could understand that being triggered had more to do with me than her, sometimes it’s nice when someone acknowledges that their actions were hurtful.
You feel seen and appreciated. You feel like this person wants to protect you because they value you. And if they found out that they did hurt you, they would be sincere about their remorse.
Unfortunately that wasn’t the case because the apology I got felt more defensive. There was no remorse for the act but she was sad that I felt bad about what happened.
I left that conversation feeling dismissed and that my boundaries didn’t matter. For me, sorry wasn’t enough. I felt no real remorse coming from my friend because they didn’t acknowledge what they did at all.
So when I learnt that there were five apology languages (which was written by Gary Chapman who also wrote about the five love languages), I dove into it and found exactly what I tend to need in an apology.
