Member-only story
To Increase Your Love, Increase the Freedom You Give
“Ultimately, true love and true freedom are the same.” — David Deida
I remember the debates I had with an ex about whether or not possessiveness was loving.
When she quizzed me about why I didn’t ask about some guy she mentioned or why I didn’t demand that she stop talking to the guys in her life, I answered that I trusted that she valued our relationship, so I had no need to grill her.
In hindsight, we were both foolish. I was being grilled about not grilling her on possibly cheating and still believed that we could stay together. She, on the other hand, needed reassurance that I was faithful in the only way that she was familiar with: interrogation and ultimatums.
Some friends of mine said that they liked when someone was possessive or jealous because it made them feel highly desired. They were right. They were highly desired. But their desire for love and to give love would never be met.
We often have these problematic beliefs about love and then complain about the love we receive in our lives. My ex and my friends were both examples of this, but so was I.
I too had a certain problematic level of possessiveness within. I would feel self-conscious if I had to interact with someone my romantic partner or potential romantic…
