You’re pretty convinced that life is out to get you. Things aren’t getting any better and you wonder why the gods hate you.
Okay, let’s play along with this narrative. You’re right. There are definite reasons your life is at best a recurring nightmare; and at worst, swirling down the toilet bowl. If you’re actually serious about going over the reasons, they are as follows:
1. You don’t want to change
This is the cardinal sin. You want life to change but you think you can achieve that by being exactly who you are right now.
Did you ever consider that who you are as a person determines the life you will lead? If not, please do because anyone who ever did anything noteworthy was able to do it only because something inside of them changed.
Maybe you think that if you try to change yourself that means that you don’t love yourself. But that’s just a clever way of resisting change and the pain that comes with it.
It’s normal to resist change. It’s normal to resist pain. But you’re the one asking for life to be different! You want a better career, relationships and peace of mind but what you’ve been doing hasn’t worked, so now you have to do something different.
Loving yourself absolutely means accepting who you are. But that would also include accepting that you have dreams and desires you want to fulfill. Being able to achieve and maintain these things requires a change in the person. Not taking the steps to fulfill these is not loving, which leads us to the next point…
2. You refuse to give yourself what you want
If you had a kid and you prevented them from following their dreams, they would grow up and resent you for it.
You could say you wanted them to have a better career so that they’ll have more money. But who said more money would equate to happiness?
Similarly, if you don’t allow yourself to go in the path of happiness but instead choose to go in the path of things that represent happiness, you will screw yourself over.
Chasing money, power, luxury items, sexual relationships to satiate some idea of superiority over others… the list goes on and on but the pain never wears off.
You might be thinking, but what if I want the money, power, etc.?
My response to that is, if it was working for you, you wouldn’t be thinking about why life isn’t getting any easier. You wouldn’t be lamenting why you don’t feel better about life. You wouldn’t be reading this.
The 2015 Workforce Purpose Index reported that the most valuable segment of workers in any field are those who work for personal fulfillment and to serve others. They out-perform and out-earn everyone else who works for status and money.
This just makes logical sense. If I genuinely like what I’m doing, I’m not going to cut corners on tasks. I’m going to do whatever it takes to get the job done. I’m going to help others achieve their own goals. I’m going to work overtime. Why? Because work isn’t work like it is for everyone else.
If you chase the symbols of success, you’re chasing happiness instead of being happy as you do the things you inherently enjoy.
When I was in my old job, I was there for the money and I wasn’t sure if I had what it took to do what I wanted. I was also in an on-again/off-again toxic relationship.
I had to take the first step and change because what I was putting out wasn’t making any sense. If I didn’t think I had what it took to be in a better position, I decided I’d figure it out along the way because staying the same made no sense at all.
I then took the next step and went in the direction of the things I valued. I lived my values and I associated with those who shared the same values. These two things alone made powerful changes in my life.
But there was still another thing that had to be addressed.
3. Cut out the toxic people
Sometimes you might ask yourself, “Why did life give me this person as a friend/spouse/partner/relative?”
It’s interesting. People tend to treat us the way we treat ourselves. Why? Because if we think we don’t deserve certain things and we have a poor self-image, we will behave in those ways. Then people see this and quickly figure out how much they can take from you.
This realization might make you hate people, but ultimately, you would never rendezvous with those type of people if you didn’t think you didn’t deserve it.
I know, it’s messed up. But I’ve seen it in myself and my friends too often in too many different areas of life. It could be love, business, friendship or family, people treat people in the way they treat themselves.
And that is why it is imperative that you do the self-work because it is damn near impossible to remove yourself from toxic people if you don’t think you deserve to be treated better.
But what’s even more impossible is you finding and engaging with people who actually like, value and want you. It’s almost like they don’t exist because they exist in the realm of you respecting yourself. And you don’t live there. Not yet anyway.
But when you do move there, it’s uncanny how they just appear. It’s astounding that some of these people were closely linked to you for a long time and how others were far removed but due to some kind of miracle, you met and hit it off.
What’s funny is that you probably have some people in your life that really like you and you like them but you aren’t showing the level of love you should because you’re so caught up in proving to your frenemies and enemies that you’re actually worthy of respect.
The only person you need to convince that you are worthy of respect is you. Do that, and watch the pests buzz off.
If you make the adjustments in yourself and in your life, life might not get easier overnight. Everyone’s issues are at varied levels after all. However, if you take the incremental steps, over time you’ll see the rewards are frightfully delightful.
And yet, even then life will not be perfect. You will still be learning, but you won’t be stuck anymore. You will see that life wasn’t trying to hurt you.
You will see for yourself that it was you hurting you all along. Not on purpose, but unconsciously.