Member-only story
This is Why You Fear Intimacy
I think the reason I never realized I had a fear of intimacy is because, like most people who are avoidant-attached, I actually want intimacy but when faced with it, it’s scary.
It’s like getting the big break you’ve been wanting and then rejecting it because you suddenly “realized” that this isn’t what you want.
No, it is what you want. You don’t trust that intimacy has been achieved because you never had it before. Or, because you’ve never had intimacy, you don’t know what to expect.
This person is now going to see your flaws (especially the ones you don’t know about) and you are going to see theirs. The narrative of who this person is may change, and their idea of who you are may change as well. Things could go well and flame out in a fireball from hell or you could wake up one day and coldly distance yourself from them forever.
You could have children and endure some painful ordeal like an illness or a tragic death. You may have to battle the nauseating traits of their parents. You may be afraid they’d want to leave you when they see the people who birthed you. You could be in love until old age and then die happy while they were cheating on you the entire time, rendering your romance a lie.
So, it isn’t completely irrational to fear intimacy. And yet, it kind of is. I’ll explain why in…
