This is why we never get what we really want.

Have you ever noticed that when you’re desperate for something it’s ridiculously hard to get? It’s like the universe is trying to keep it away from you.

That’s because it is. Not because it’s trying to spite you; after all, you are a part of the universe. The universe spiting you is it spiting itself.

But it does it because you leave it no choice.

Have you ever been around someone who was desperate for your friendship or love? They say all these nice things and inflate you way more than you deserve. They may even compare you to others, saying you’re way better, smarter, more attractive and whatever else they think you want to hear.

It’s a bit much, isn’t it? It makes you feel gross and you definitely don’t trust them. Clearly they want something from you but you’re so grossed out that all you want to do is hurl them into the next county.

Just like the universe keeping things from you, you’re not giving anything of yours to this weirdo. Why is that? What makes us distrust this type of person? It’s because they aren’t here for you. They are here for what you can give them.

Think of this in terms of a job. You are paid to provide service for your fellow man, but your main concern is filling your pockets?

Think of this is terms of love. You are invited to share in the life of another person as they share in yours, but your main concern is getting love?

Think of this in terms of family. You are entrusted to aid in the development of your spouse, children and possibly your parents and siblings, but your main concern is how much stuff they can do for you?

That’s not a good look and it naturally turns people off. It turns life itself off from you.

Yes, you can have a certain amount of money, connections and power to get many things you want, but ultimately you don’t value these things. They are all replaceable. All that matters to you, is you. We are seeing the effects of income and social inequality based on exactly this.

Then again, even the 1% were once unknown and had no power. They had to give value in order to be where they are now anyway. You can’t escape it.

But if you don’t have access to a crazy level of influence yet you still want financial success, you have no choice but to serve people. That’s your job! How do you expect to make money if you don’t serve the people giving you money?

If you want love, you have no choice but to give love. That’s what you signed up for, isn’t it? If not, cut the other person loose now or decide to give love. You’ll find the second option much more fulfilling than just trying to get love and at least the first option allows the other person to find someone that can give love.

If you want a family, please be sincere about why. Any reason other than to support the expression of the lives in the family is not a good one. I’m open to hearing other reasons but “to continue the family name” or “because I just want one” seems kind of nuts to me. Family is bigger than just you. How can your desires supersede the desires of everyone else in the family?

This all boils down to one question: What is your purpose? What are you on this planet to do? You aren’t here just to get a bunch of stuff and then die.

Your cells are here for a specific purpose. Your organs perform a specific purpose. The planet does what it does for a specific purpose. They all support life. Your life, my life and the lives of everything we know and even the things we don’t know.

You are no different. You are here to provide a service, possibly more than one. When you investigate what they are and you do them, you will not be brown-nosing people for love, affection, money, clout or anything.

We’ve got to focus on the activity, not the results. Results matter, but they cannot replace the activity. It’s the activity that determines the results!

Unfortunately, our socialization hasn’t done us much favors. We were taught that we had to do this, be that and have this other thing. We learnt to care more about getting the reward than caring about the task. We blindly agreed and found ourselves stuck in the lives of other people. We aren’t even happy.

But we have the opportunity to stop being those gross people who seem nice and eager but are really just being nice for their own gain. We can live from purpose and integrity.

And then a funny thing happens. You get what you want.

Former Edu. Psychologist | Current Writer | Constant Learner | “By your stumbling the world is perfected.”

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