For some reason I feel compelled to write this today. Maybe it’s because yesterday was hectic for me or because I had a conversation with a friend and we both came to the conclusion that based on what’s going on in the world, we will never go back to how things used to be.
And I suppose that’s okay. After all, we aren’t the first humans to have to deal with such a cataclysmic shift and we won’t be the last.
But I’ll admit, I’ve found myself ruing life lately. Things feel so much more difficult and I’ve felt less equipped to deal with stuff despite having more tools and resources than ever. For the most part, I’m actually doing okay.
Nevertheless, I had to remind myself of why life is hard and I figured I’d share it here along with some tips.
I have to be careful with this reason because people with a victim complex will nod their heads at this until their heads fall off. But let’s face facts, some people (perhaps most people) make things very difficult for their fellow human beings.
People set regulations but other people ignore them or change the regulations which cause others to become sick or hurt either gradually or immediately. People are unable to lose gracefully and as a result, will conspire with others to undermine the victor or try to cut them down.
People knowingly spread false information because it will either make them money or it will entertain them to see how much damage they can cause. People are selfish and hoard resources that they don’t need and will never use, depriving others in the process. Then they slap others in the face by telling them to “do better.”
If a group of people decide to do something negative, it’ll probably happen. Mob mentality turns individuals into a collective that is hell-bent on destruction. This is because if people feel pain within themselves, they will hurt others with it.
People don’t care about others. If you aren’t close to them or you can’t do anything for them, they don’t really care about you. Then again, once people get what they need from others, they get discarded. People are also irresponsible. They don’t realize that their actions impact others. Their shortcut could draw blood for others.
People set rules for others to follow but they exempt themselves from it. This means that they see the importance of the rule but refuse to contribute to the health of society by setting the example.
What’s interesting about this is this entry on the list could drive people with a victim complex into a meltdown. Sorry about that, but as bad as people can be to others and as difficult as they make life for others, the individual creates trouble for themselves too.
For starters, one may have pain within themselves but instead of seeking healing or even self-inquiry, they self-medicate to the point that it becomes a habit. I can see why one may need to subdue the pain every now and then, but to never address the pain within is an issue that will only keep one in pain.
One is often unaware of what resides in their psychological shadow. Their dreams may illustrate it and the lives they live will explain it, but because of a lack of interest in who they really are, things stay stagnant.
One may not question their beliefs. To do so is to question their very identity. So if one believes that certain people should not have rights or that certain events must take place at the expense of others, so be it. If one believes that they cannot “make it” in life, so be it. If one believes that people are out to get them, so be it. When beliefs get to extreme levels, it becomes extremely difficult for anyone to help.
If one has difficulty listening to people, that’s going to cause problems as well. Others will have a different perspective and may offer solutions one wouldn’t have thought of. As a matter of fact, we often think that we have the solutions to others’ problems. If only they would listen. But do you listen?
At some stage or another, one may have learnt to not give themselves what they need. It was safer to stay in what was familiar, despite the fact that it isn’t serving them. Expressing one’s desires may be seen as weakness and one cannot afford to be seen as weak. Even if what they have to say is the truth and even if expressing their truth would yield proper help, the embarrassment is too much.
One also may refuse to appreciate life and what is good about life. One may have such a negative relationship with what they dislike that it becomes their identity. They live for what they hate and unbeknownst to them, they have an interest in preserving what they hate. If their enemies were to wave the white flag, they would either provoke them into being enemies again or look for a new fight and create a new enemy.
One may live for conflict and then complain when conflict visits on a regular basis. Peace is boring. War is familiar and what is familiar can be spun as entertainment.
Ultimately, the solution for people and the solution for yourself is the same: acceptance. If we cannot do this we’re going to be stuck in the emotional muck.
What do I mean by acceptance? I’m not defining acceptance as deeming something as adequate or appropriate. I’m not talking about endorsing whatever happens.
Acceptance in this context is to take whatever happens without rejection or resistance. To argue against reality is pointless and to fight against reality may prove futile. When you are able to accept what is, and especially how you feel about what is, you allow yourself to do what is necessary and you will find yourself with solutions that are actually useful.
When people do their acts that hurt, alienate, trick or undermine others, if you allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling, giving yourself permission to be upset, only then will you be able to act appropriately.
When you are unconsciously cutting yourself down and abusing yourself, if you allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling in the moment, a transformed sense of self takes over and you will be able to treat yourself with the respect and the love you need.
As difficult as life can be, sometimes it helps to identify the source of the frustration. It may be others and their foolishness or perhaps it’s you this time around.
But if you can allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling with regards to what is happening, you’ll have a much better chance of letting the pain go and finding the way out of negative situations.