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The One Belief that Guarantees Relationship Failure
“Attractiveness, common interests and emotional health. Which two of these three things do you need in a girl?”
My friend would sometimes ask me these self-reflective questions, but this one was a doozy. I kept changing my answer for a few minutes until I realized that it was a trick question.
I said, “You can’t just choose two. You have to have all three.”
“Have you ever met anyone who has all three?”
I knew better than to debate him. I couldn’t think of anyone I dated who had all three. As soon as I thought I had someone in mind, I realized that there was something that was missing.
Sometime later I revisited the question and was puzzled that I never liked anyone who had all three traits. No wonder I had relationship problems! There was no way you could have a comfortably compatible romantic relationship without all three things.
It would be like asking, “Common interests or emotional health; which one trait do you need in a friend?” You need both!
You may be familiar with Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love. If not, it basically states that consummate love requires three components: intimacy, passion and commitment. If any one of these three things are missing, you have a different love…
