The Curse of the Codependent

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Often when people talk about how loving their parents were, how loving their spouse is or how loving they are, they cite two things: caretaking and sacrifice. While these two traits are usually thought of as positive, they can be used in a negative context.

A codependent is someone who constantly gives and sacrifices for others. They are people-pleasers who suffer from low self-worth, have weak boundaries and are often not true to who they really are in order to preserve relationships. Such people often get into relationships with narcissistic people who constantly take.

Probably the best definition of codependency I’ve ever heard was from Noel Bell who wrote, “The greatest hallmark of codependence is that someone else decides how you feel about yourself.”

I was floored reading that because it reflected exactly how I lived.

Of course, not all codependents are the same. For example, some have better self-worth than others. However, they all suffer from a low level of self-worth that causes them to abandon their own needs for others’ needs.

“Codependents confuse caretaking and sacrifice with loyalty and love.” — Ross Rosenberg

The quote above highlights the issue for the codependent. They cannot see that caretaking and sacrifice, as they use it, is not love. At all…