The Cure for Nice Guy/Girl Syndrome

Jason Henry
5 min readDec 1, 2021
Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

Sometimes I get comments talking about the pitfalls of dating unscrupulous people based on whatever I wrote about. They could be a narcissist, insecurely-attached or toxic; doesn’t matter. Some folks are quick to point out the dangers and flaws of certain characters.

This is largely a good thing. After all, am I not the one sharing the information and initiating the conversation? However, sometimes the tone suggests that the sender is a bit self-righteous.

If you’ve ever sent me a comment, please don’t freak out! Maybe you’re one of those in the clear. But maybe what I’m about to say will resonate with you as well. I’ve been guilty of this very thing myself.

The legend of the nice guy/nice girl (nice person) is fairly well known at this point. There are a number of variations of this character; some are worse than others. But today, I’m pointing their tendency to do everything right but repetitively get burned or overlooked by their love interests.

This is a trait that doesn’t seem to be the nice person’s fault. At least, not at face value. How can you blame someone for doing mostly good things, being more righteous than virtually everyone else and still not getting a chance?

The blame must lie at the feet of the people who are overlooking these amazing people. Everyone sees how great they are so why do their love interests not choose them? They must be too traumatized to choose someone healthy. Or maybe they want sex more than a committed relationship. Whatever the case is, they’re passing up a great gal/guy.

Of course, this is mere surface-level observation. Because despite how great the person is, why do they keep finding themselves attracted to and going for people who don’t choose them? Wouldn’t that imply that they have their own problems to sort out? Indeed it does.

But here’s the problem. By constantly focusing on how often they get burned, how long they’ve been overlooked or how annoyed they feel that their love interests choose people who care less about them that they do, they keep staring the answer in the face with no hope to ever take it, embrace it and transcend it.

Here’s the Deal

Jason Henry

Former Edu. Psychologist | Current Writer | Constant Learner | “By your stumbling the world is perfected.”