The 5 Types of Children from Toxic Families

Photo by Lucas Metz on Unsplash

It’s a fairly covered topic online but it is one that still deserves more attention due to its importance and its familiarity. Because we’ve all either witnessed, known or been one of these kids.

But to add to the discussion, I will add some of my own experiences with these types of children.

There are about six types of toxic family dynamics and they are not all based in families where the parents were addicted to substances. To be honest, I would say they were probably addicted to something because whatever it is one is addicted to, it’s there to cover up unresolved emotional distress.

Drugs, alcohol, religion, money, ideology, sex, food, changes in personality and many other factors can help one to soothe their inner wounds but they certainly do not heal them.

When these individuals start families, their problems bleed into their spouse and their children. As a result, another toxic family is born. And just like their parents, the child is under severe emotional distress too. They have to find a way to cope and so they take on (at least) one of the following five identities in order to navigate their way through the family minefield.

1. The Hero

In a world where evil lurks in every crevasse of society and where one’s parent is the purveyor of evil, abuse or neglect, a child will rise up from the ashes and fight for all that is good, loving and cherished.

Yes, that sounded like a movie intro because that’s how it is in the mind of the hero child. She has to be the beacon of light for herself, her siblings and maybe even the very parents who have made her take on this persona.

This seems like a healthy way to cope until you examine the perfectionistic tendencies and the refusal to ask for help that stems from doing everything on your own for far too long. They’re carrying the world on their shoulders because they have to be responsible in the ways that their parents are not.

Kids who do this become adults who take on issues that aren’t theirs and find themselves in relationships with people who need rescuing. The hero will try but fail because they don’t understand that they cannot fight other people’s battles. They also might not be aware…