So What if They Didn’t Love You?

Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

We get so caught up in whether or not someone likes us that we are completely blind to how simple attraction is.

Attraction is all about whether or not someone mirrors your values, whether physical or emotional. If they do, you will feel something for them. If they don’t, you won’t feel anything.

The part about attraction that is sometimes mystifying is why we value what we value.

If you and your crush are both into the same interests, you have fun together, they’re funny and have some physical traits that are considered contemporarily attractive, then attraction is almost a given.

But other times it isn’t so straightforward. Sometimes we are attracted to people in ways we would never imagine.

For example, we could like someone who is kind of nerdy and everyone agrees isn’t contemporarily attractive but they just rev your engine.

Or perhaps you’re into someone who gossips and is into drama and spills all the tea on damn near everyone.

One reason you may be into them is because they remind you of a parent or caregiver. And since they are the first love relationship you had in life, you subconsciously associated love with their behaviour traits, whether good or bad.

With that said, this is why when someone doesn’t like you, don’t take it personal. You could be giving them the world, it won’t matter because you don’t mirror enough of their conscious and unconscious values and ideas of love back to them.

Hell, even if they like you, you shouldn’t take it personally because people are wired to like what they like. If they like you it’s because you check a lot of their boxes. They may do the same for you, they may not.

Either way, it’s nothing personal. Well, it is something personal but it isn’t something they have any conscious control over. And it’s the same for you. You don’t control who you like. No one does.

So the goal is to find someone that you value inside and out and who values you inside and out. Anything less than this is going to be an unrequited love.

Former Edu. Psychologist | Current Writer | Constant Learner | “By your stumbling the world is perfected.”

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