We are often warned about the red flags when on a date but it’s also good to know what to look out for at the beginning of a potential relationship. Here are some awesome stuff to look for when on a first date.
- When they actually pay attention to what you’re talking about and even make the effort to come back to the topic if interrupted.
Genuine interest is always a green flag. It’s very hard to fake and is one of the strongest indicators that the other person is engaged.
- A friend of mine hit it off in the car with her date that they ended up driving over two hours PAST their date destination. When conversation is that good, you’ve got a blaring green light! They’re married for around 15 years now.
- Talking for five hours but only thinking the date lasted around 90 minutes.
Great conversation is a hallmark of compatibility. If something is lacking in this department, there could be a deeper issue with the two of you.
- I tend to look for some of the same things I look for when interviewing employee candidates, body-language wise. Leaning forward, active listening, not the kind of person who formulates their next point of discussion while I’m still talking, etc.
While I would definitely agree that the posture one has on a date can be an encouraging sign, this point made me think that people might just do it to secure your approval. After all, some people do this for job interviews.
Nevertheless, it is a good sign but if it is supplemented with these other points such as the conversation being free-flowing, for example, then you’re good.
- Compliments things about you that you’ve never had someone compliment on you. Not just “Wow I love your eyes” more like “woah, I love that every time I say x,y,z you do this cute little smile and that melts me”. It’s even better if it was something you were previously insecure about.
This is an excellent clue on how the other person views you. Instead of the superficial, they burrowed more into the core of you and like what they see. To be fair, some people aren’t that good with words and may be feeling it but don’t know how to express it.
The commenter then went further into relationships, saying:
- Persistance when things turn south. At some point in the relationship, someone’s gonna be in a irreparable shitty mood. If he/she sticks with you and doesn’t judge you for it, and continues to show his/her love for you despite this, you struck gold.
I couldn’t agree more.
- Good sense of humor is king of green flags.
Finding people with the same type of humor as you is like finding your tribe. I’ve also found that it is very likely that you’ll hit it off with their friends and they’ll like your friends too.
- I dated a woman who said one of the things she liked was that I didn’t try anything sexual on the first date. Well, it wasn’t so much a date as we went out with a few mutual friends and hit it off. We got pretty drunk so I let her sleep at my place. We shared a bed, but that’s it.
She was all over me on the second date. Fun times!
Doesn’t hurt being a gentleman. Speaking more generally, the urge to hook up will always be present when two people are attracted to each other, but the ability to place that as secondary is quite impressive, if not unusual these days.
- The biggest green flag is that you find something to talk about quickly and are actually engaged in the conversation.
If you’re having dinner and make it all the way to the entree and are still “so….. any siblings?” then the date is pretty much dead.
I understand the sentiment here, but I disagree. Sometimes you don’t hit it off immediately. Sometimes there’s a missed connection. However, I believe that if there is truly a link, it will be found. Take this next comment, for example:
- For me, it was the retry worthy f-ups. My first date with my now wife we had dinner and the host happened to know me from college. It was his first day and he kept coming up to us to chat. He was seriously annoying. That made my date and I agree to try again.
Second date, movie which had technical difficulties. We got a free movie pass out of the deal.
Third date, paint balling, she got shot in the eye by some punk teenager while she was fixing her mask. We bonded in the hospital over the situation.
Fourth date, comedy show. The lady next to us was the worst heckler I have ever seen. Super disruptive. That lady and her friends were kicked out and the rest of the acts were… meh.
It goes on and on. Every time we try to do something romantic, something happens that ruins the mood. We laugh it off and memories are made. That was 10 years ago and we still talk about it. It reminds me of the movie Hitch starring Will Smith.
The final comment I will share is an interesting one. There’s a gentlemanly aspect to this but there is another part that, in my opinion, can be viewed as a good sign and a bad sign.
- On my first date with the man who is now my fiance, we walked from our high school to a local restaurant and he insisted on walking on the side of the sidewalk that was closest to the road. In that moment he reminded me of my grandfather, who had recently passed, because when I was a small child my grandfather told me “A gentleman always walks closer to traffic than the lady.” It just gave me a really good feeling about him, that he was polite and a little bit old-fashioned.
While I appreciate the chivalry here, there is a deeper point of familiarity that is being made. Because she had a good role model in her grandfather she chose another person who had those positive traits.
Unfortunately, some of us have negative role models which causes us to also unconsciously seek and stick to people who have similar traits. This can be tricky to watch out for because we will possibly have an attraction to negative traits simply because they are familiar.
The best advice I could give here is to look for the green flags but to notice a negative act when it happens. If you spot it, keep it in memory and see if it comes up again. Dating is supposed to be fun but sometimes you need to play it safe.
People have an incentive to be on their best behaviors when with someone new, so be vigilant, ask questions but remember dating is about getting to know someone. Definitely have fun but observe what’s going on too.