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No Spark? No Problem. Date Them Anyway.
I know a lot of people who swear by the “spark.” If there’s no spark, there’s no point to the relationship.
These people also tend to binge rom-coms. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve watched When Harry Met Sally more than any movie ever but that’s because I find it to be more realistic that any other romantic comedy (and also hilarious).
Two people who are unapologetically themselves when they first meet to the point that they remember each other years after not seeing each other. Two people who take solace in one another when life’s pelting them with lemons, especially in dating. Two people, when they rethink what they want out of a relationship, realize they have it with one other.
It’s relatable and it’s not someone dangling off of a Ferris wheel trying to score a date.
I’m here to challenge you to rethink this whole “spark” thing because I’ve asked around, I’ve looked online and it’s clear as day that a spark is not necessary for a healthy and happy relationship.
Personally speaking, the biggest disappointments I’ve ever had in romance came with people I was compelled to talk to. The best relationships were those I didn’t see coming.
The spark was almost a signal that my attraction was potent with this person, but who said that what I was attracted to was healthy in the first place?
If we have our subconscious ideas of love being based on how we were loved growing up, we could have some serious problems on our hands.
For example, if we were abused, gaslighted, often placed as secondary or loved inconsistently, this is the model of love that we have stored in our subconscious minds, which means this is what we are programmed to look for in potential partners.
And despite our conscious notions of what love should be and what we want, we will always bend to the programming of our subconscious minds.
It is our programming that determines our types, our relationship patterns and our predictable ends.
So if you’re not programmed for optimal relationship enjoyment, that spark is not just a spark. It could be Vesuvius, ready to kill thousands as its lava envelops people into a statue of ash, securing a place in…
