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Love is not an exclusive gift
But a close relationship can be
Perhaps the most glaring and hidden problem in modern dating is that people pretend to be in it for others when it is primarily to edify themselves.
It’s quite the paradox, isn’t it? One might feel deep affection for another and so they feel that they want to give them everything they possibly can and to take care of them.
However, if they get rejected, cheated on, are broken up with or become triggered by the actions of the significant other, the affection turns into resentment and fear.
If one was really in it for the edification of the other person, they would allow them to be who they are and to make their own decisions. But if one cannot do this, it illustrates that it was one’s personal desires that really came first.
When relationship experts say that you have to put yourself first in a relationship, they’re talking about knowing your likes, dislikes and boundaries. They’re talking about loving yourself. They’re talking about knowing yourself. Because it is these things that help you to decide who to be with.
Love, in terms of infatuation and passion, is about desire. The person in love projects a specialness onto another person and falls into the illusion that they must be with or have this person because…
