Whether you ended a serious romantic relationship, friendship, kinship or business partnership, it seems that a ton of people I know were keen on ending certain bonds this year. I know I had to do it a few times this year for three of the four relationships I listed.
I can say without a doubt, I have never felt more uncertain about my relationships than I did this year. And while I can’t go into detail about every single thing, I can at least take heart that I wasn’t completely blindsided.
People show you who they are. I know for me I wouldn’t leave a relationship just because of one incident. It’s the repeat offenders or toxic environments that force me to retreat as I cough up blood.
It’s the floor caving out from beneath your feet. You learn for certain that your relationships are your world. It is the most important part of life. They can make you or break you.
You remember your boundaries and values. You realise you had allowed certain behaviours and trends in your life that you were never comfortable with, but you could put up with it. There was some incentive, namely, you get to keep the peace. And sometimes peace is expensive, but worth it.
But naturally, when the peace gets threatened to the point where you’re bankrupt, you have no choice but to go for broke and do what you feared doing — leave.
You might feel the impulse to swing your behaviour from the extreme you just left to the exact opposite. Don’t fall for it. That’s likely to fail. Instead, look at what you value and simply go to those places and people. You don’t have to be reactionary if you simply go towards what you want.
After all, the reason we got ourselves into messy situations was because we were not in alignment with who we really are and we let representatives of foreign values take space in our lives. But they never fit with you just as badly as you couldn’t fit with them!
It’s especially painful when they did fit some parts of you but not others. These types of relationships have the propensity to linger for some time or to burn intensely and then flame out in short order. Nevertheless, the culprit is the same — an inability to reconcile some stark contrasts in values at best, and, more likely, psychological trauma manifesting itself in conflict.
The best we can do is to remember who we are, what we stand for and what we want. It makes no sense to entertain much else. Furthermore, we must monitor ourselves and ensure that we learn from our own mistakes and the mistakes of others.
We have to be responsible for our emotional wellbeing so as to not hurt others and to not hurt ourselves as we have a tendency to look for any salve to dress our emotional wounds.
We’ll see 2019 soon enough, but I hope you reap the rewards of living in accordance to who you truly are.