How Men Erroneously Protect Themselves in Dating

Photo by Mitchell Hollander on Unsplash

Sometimes it’s good to see and hear how other people are living and what they have to say about life. I recently listened to some red-pill leaning discourses and it caused my brain to feel very agitated. So much of the beliefs and conversations were fear-based.

Here are some examples:

If you don’t show a girl who’s boss, she’ll walk all over you.

Or maybe you could just end the relationship if she tries to hit you with power plays.

If you don’t get a submissive, compliant woman, she’ll try to control you and the relationship.

Or maybe you’re afraid of losing control of the relationship and her, and you’re just projecting.

If you don’t make a certain amount of money, the woman will (eventually) leave you for someone who is a better provider.

But why would you want to be in a relationship where your worth is determined by what you can do? Wouldn’t it make more sense to be with someone based on who you are as a person and to be with someone who genuinely values who you are?

Let’s get into more nuance.

Do I think that some (perhaps many) women would end a relationship with a guy who doesn’t make more money than them? Yes, I do. But since everything in this world has its opposite, is it really farfetched to think that a woman could stay in the relationship because she just really likes the guy? No, not at all. In fact I’ve seen it.

Let’s flip the script a bit.

If a man loved a woman who couldn’t give birth, is it impossible for him to stay? No, of course not. If he genuinely loves her, she is enough. He will stay.

However, if a man loved a woman who couldn’t give birth and he had a personal goal to be a father, it is possible that he will leave. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love the woman, but he wanted to experience being a father. Adoption is a possible option too.

I don’t want to make it seem like these talking points are totally bogus. They do have some truth to them, but particularly in a certain context.

However, when these points are made as if they are the objective truth, that’s when I take exception and feel the need to say something. They are subjectively true. They are true in a particular context. But there are others who live lives that exist in a completely different realm.

If only people would explore these other realms.

Let me get into more fundamental terms. If I as a man don’t concern myself with what a woman can do for me, I don’t worry about ensuring that I do what I must in order to keep a woman interested and invested in me.

I am more than a woman’s interest in me. As a result, I’m not going to do specific things in order to get the most girls. I’d rather be myself and whoever vibes with that, cool. If no one ever vibes with me, cool. Because I wouldn’t want to be with someone who likes me for what I have or what I do. If you’re not with me for who I am, why would I be interested?

So instead of worrying about what you have to do to ensure you keep a girl on her toes, just be with someone you genuinely like and respect (and be someone you genuinely like and respect).

But if you can’t do that it may be for one of two reasons:

1. You are looking for relationships in the wrong place, or

2. You may not like women (or maybe even femininity); you like having sex.

When it comes to looking for relationships in the wrong places, we think of women and men who do really insane and selfish things for sex, affection or attention. We say that that person “belongs to the streets.”

People who belong to the streets tend to place an overemphasis on the superficial and material things. That’s the bait that they throw out and ironically, that’s the bait that gets them trapped too.

If you put your attention on the streets, that’s where you’ll end up.

Street people tend to date street people, but sometimes people who are in their home will go into the streets to find a partner. But in order to navigate the streets, you have to change to fit in. Otherwise, you’ll be chewed up and spat out.

And if you manage to find someone and bring them back into the home, they will wreck the place emotionally just as a wild animal would wreck your home physically. But you will condone it for a while until you can’t anymore.

Then the relationship is over and you’ll have to start all over. Hopefully, you’ll know better than to go in the streets.

But there’s also the fact that street people like home people because home people are more settled and less damaged. They want to escape the inane slime of the street. However, when they get into relationships with these home folk, they are unable to adapt because they carry the traits and stench of the streets with them.

And this is why people say things like, “You can’t turn a ho into a housewife.” It’s true. Only she can change herself. Similarly, a girl can hope that a grimy dude will change into a husband but that’s all she can do — hope. The man must decide where and what he wants to be because you can’t be in both worlds at the same time.

But aside from the emphasis on the superficial, what is another factor that differentiates the streets from the home? I thought about it and realized that home people tend to lean on religiosity. And when you filter out the various belief systems or dogma of religions, I realized that religions tend to coax or inspire a spirit of peace.

Inner peace is the main difference between people in the home and people in the streets.

A lack of inner peace encourages selfishness because a need is not being met, and so one has to get that need met no matter the cost. A lack of inner peace causes people to look for their solution externally rather than internally; they look for the pill that will get rid of their pain.

So whether you’re a man or a woman, if you want to protect yourself in dating, become someone who has inner peace and do what you can to remove any block against it.

Not only will you feel better, you will only be interested in those who also have inner peace and they will see that peace within you and be drawn to it.

Let me say this again: the sentiments I spoke about earlier in italics were not totally wrong. They are true, but it depends on the context.

Because some people are focused on love, so if you try to control them, you will lose them forever. So what are you focused on? Fear or love? The streets or the home? Inner pain or inner peace?

Former Edu. Psychologist | Current Writer | Constant Learner | “By your stumbling the world is perfected.”

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