“Because chaos is all we know”

“long exposure photography of hurricane” by Nikolas Noonan on Unsplash

About a year ago, a friend of mine shared a conversation he had over Facebook with a friend of his. The guy asks, “Why are we so attracted to chaos?” My friend replies, “Because chaos is all we know.”

Now that was a mic-drop moment if there ever was one.

Another friend of mine is having a rough go at it lately, but when I offered help, she bailed. To be frank, a lot of people tend to do this, myself included.

I remember reading The Power of Now when I was twenty and not understanding it, until my back was against the wall and I just got the random idea to reread the thing. Changed my life forever.

That’s the tricky thing about the human condition. We want health, wealth and all the good things life has to offer. But if you were raised in a less than ideal situation, you can rest assured that you will stay stuck in that situation until your back is against the wall and you have to change your mind. Why?

Because the one thing you like more than what’s familiar is to keep living. We want to live more than we want to die, but we want to live just a little bit more than dying due to something familiar.

Consider the fact that I desired girls who really didn’t understand me and I never stopped being attracted to this type of girl until I felt the weight of abandonment again and again and again (and again?) and then I looked into this attachment style, enmeshment, love addict/love avoidant type stuff.

I was sick of suffering, so I looked for a way out. Makes a lot of sense but it took years to realise and then years to curb. I still don’t know if I’ve finished dealing with it, but things have changed.

Money’s another one. When you have enough, everything’s fine. Until it isn’t. Then you’re doing a mad scramble to figure something out so that you can eat next week. The money was dwindling from time, but now you’re doing the most to… continue to live.

An interesting thing happens when your back’s against the wall. Not only do you fight but you continue to seek knowledge and enact changes so that you can begin to thrive instead of just surviving in the hellhole you grew accustomed to.

Is there a way to jumpstart this change for the better? Can we skip the unrelenting pain that we think we’re a victim of and just go for awesomeness?

Sadly, no. I don’t think so. (Or maybe I just need to suffer enough to then figure that answer out. Hmm… deep.)

But what I think we can do is:

- Be mindful that we have blind spots

- Question how we feel about the pillars of our life (money, relationships, career, health, personal/spiritual growth) and see where we’ve been stuck in a rut

- Remember what people have said about the weak pillars of our lives, or ask/read people who have strong pillars on what to do. You will probably resist but at least listen.

- If you resist what they say, question why. They have what you don’t so maybe there’s something to what they’re saying. Compare and contrast what these people are saying, never just get one opinion.

Walking out of the storm can be daunting, especially when all you know is rain and wind. But when the house caves in and you know your life is on the line, find and take the escape route. You’ll be glad you did.

Former Edu. Psychologist | Current Writer | Constant Learner | “By your stumbling the world is perfected.”

Former Edu. Psychologist | Current Writer | Constant Learner | “By your stumbling the world is perfected.”