Attraction is a Spectrum

I remember walking into my seventh grade classroom and seeing him. At the time, I wasn’t aware of the unconscious processes working in the background, but I knew that this dude I was looking at and I would be friends.

Sure enough, we did become friends and still are. And yet, I’ve only heard of this type of story in a romantic context. Man sees woman and he knows without a shadow of a doubt that they’re meant to be, and sure enough, they were.

If we want to be militant about it, it wasn’t romantic love at first sight. But there was an intuitive knowing at first sight and I used to question if there were some latent feelings there.

I didn’t have any evidence to suggest that that was true, plus as far as I knew I was heterosexual. But to connect with someone platonically with such insight was unheard of, so I questioned my sexuality.

I have another friend who isn’t straight but when we interact with one another, people tend to ship us together. She’s a great person and if sexualities or sexes were different, that could be a conversation.

But it goes no further than friendship, yet it leaves people scratching their heads.

In another relationship, I find myself not physically attracted to the girl but sexually attracted to her. Or is it the other way around? Sometimes I’m not even sure but I care for her deeply and almost prefer being nurturing to her than wanting a sexual relationship.

Maybe you can relate to these kinds of head-scratching experiences. For me, it highlighted that if sexuality is a spectrum, so is attraction.

Moreover, these experiences are only head-scratching because they aren’t typical. Usually our pull towards someone is a well-worn path. We find them sexy, you want a sexual relationship. You get to know someone over time, it morphs from strangers into a friendship.

When we’re faced with these novel situations, we’re not sure what to do. Our biases, based on what we’re accustomed to, may inspire us to do unnecessary or even foolish things. We might also be paralyzed by fear because it is uncharted territory.

My recommendation would be to first welcome whatever it is you’re feeling. That means welcoming the feelings to act or to recoil in apprehension, in addition to the attraction you have.

Next, just write down how you feel about the situation. Write about your compulsion to act, your apprehension, your attraction; write whatever comes up.

I find that this helps because thought patterns tend to go into an infinite loop when one is just thinking to oneself.

By writing it down, it helps to organize thoughts, slows down the thinking mind and eliminates loops because you’re not repeating the same thoughts over and over.

What eventually surfaces might shock you, scare you, tickle you or leave you in a state of calm. But what you do with the realization is up to you.

It might be the start of something new and exciting. It might not. Even the level of interest and outcome here is a spectrum.

But these attractions illustrate that some elements, when mixed together, combine for something that doesn’t fit the typical mold. These things can be just as beautiful, even if they are initially confusing.

There’s no need to fear the connection. Just take it for what it is because that natural reaction is simply the truth of the relationship.