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The best thing about this question is that I never ask it when I’m around my friends. I have no need. I’m fully in the moment and enjoying it with them.

It’s not as if I don’t have my own war stories of the past or even the present. For someone who hasn’t been in a relationship for almost four years now and who hasn’t been in a good one for twice that long, I keep up.

But I suppose the weirdest trip is when the friends depart and then later in the week I’m the one getting the message…


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Someone got a hold of my number from a mutual friend. They wanted some advice and I figured it was because they heard that I used to be a psychologist.

I explained my situation and that I wasn’t a counselor but they insisted on talking to me because they heard I was a good person to bounce ideas off of.

I guess that’s true, so I listened.

This lady had had enough. In the last five years, she had dated five men and nothing worked out. Everything seemed good from the onset. …


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At some point in your life you lost peace of mind because something disturbed you. It could’ve been a parent’s neglect or admonishment, a health crisis or your own curiosity or ignorance. But whatever it was that happened, it bothered you.

At this point of discomfort, you then desired peace — the same peace you had before being disturbed. Perhaps you had been hurt or disturbed before but you were comforted. And by focusing on the love you received you returned to peace and everything went back to normal.

But not this day and not on this occasion. At this…


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Perhaps you’re familiar with how marriages used to be several centuries ago when women were considered property and people married not for love but for survival. Essentially every union was an arranged marriage.

Nevertheless, both men and women still had their passions and some would form extra-marital relationships with those they felt that zing! for.

For the last 200 years or so we’ve tried to be more honest and simply married the people we felt that zing! for instead of suffering through a relationship with no passion or cheating on our spouses.

And as you’re well aware, we’ve had some…


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It’s always good to be thankful for the people in your life and to celebrate their impact in your life as they celebrate your impact in theirs. It’s a beautiful thing.

I believe I’ve shared it in writing but I’ll say it now: relationships are probably the most important things for a human being. We aren’t like other animals who don’t need to pair-bond, we definitely need it. Animals don’t have attachment styles problems like humans do.

Some of us may typify the lone wolf trope but even the wolf eventually returns to the pack. Humans have to return to…


Photo by William Farlow on Unsplash

I’ll admit, spirituality has helped me in very important ways. I differentiate spirituality from psychology as psychology being the study of behavior and spirituality being the study of the self.

The problem is that when you are emotionally stunted, psychologically clueless and spiritually shackled, you are a sitting duck. You think that in finding spirituality that you’ve found something to solve your problems. What you don’t know is that the same coping mechanisms that protected you as a child are now screwing you over as an adult.

Spiritual teacher Teal Swan shared this incisive insight:

“In spiritual communities, the ego…


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One of my ex-girlfriends got married recently. Naturally, this caused the people closest to us both to wonder if I was okay. I totally understand why they’d ask. After all, I thought it’d be me she would marry.

But once the breakup happened, then some years passed and then she started a long-term relationship. She seemed to be in a good place while I was still navigating some tricky subconscious waters.

However, everyone’s concerns got me thinking. What would’ve happened if I fought for the relationship? …


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It’s interesting when you see people swear to you that they want a relationship but when they are in the process of getting one or they’ve actually received the relationship, they are stressed out, annoyed, anxious or fearful.

And this isn’t just a one-time thing. From relationship to relationship, the emotions are consistent. Things may start out good or there may be good times during the relationship, but the stress eventually pops up and takes over.

Let me be clear. Nothing in life is consistently positive or free of problems. But there is something to be said about a specific…


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It’s quite interesting to hear the advice others have for you. They seem so certain about what they’re saying that it’s almost offensive. How can they be so sure they know a better way when they’ve never spend one day in your shoes?

But here’s the uncomfortable irony: you’ve probably done the same.

Haven’t you heard the problem a friend, family member or colleague is going through, then readily came to a solution? The reason for that is two-fold, with one solution being pretty simple but the other one a bit more complicated.

The first reason is that they aren’t…


Photo by Andrew Shiau on Unsplash

Here’s a painfully obvious statement about relationships: you either need to be with someone who knows how to be a good partner or is willing to become one.

Here’s an equally obvious statement that is maybe even more painful: you need to be someone who knows how to be a good partner or you need to become one.

They say opposites attract, so it could be that someone who knows what they’re doing in a relationship and is willing to add to their expertise could attract someone who is pretty ignorant on the theory and the practical.

We see this…

Jason Henry

Former Edu. Psychologist | Current Writer | Constant Learner | “By your stumbling the world is perfected.”

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