One of the strangest things about my adolescence was how much effort I would put into something only to see it end up being mediocre or start promisingly but then fizzle into nothing or just totally fail.

It was insanely frustrating because I had been taught that if you work hard and think positively you could achieve whatever you wanted. I saw little to no fruits of my labor. In fact, the main fruit was bitterness. I would see other people excel around me and I assumed they were working hard too. So why were they successful but I failed?

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Whether it’s a relationship where your needs are not being met or it’s a relationship where you were left because you don’t meet the needs of another, every end of a relationship requires both parties to let go of each other.

This is easier said than done for some of us because we either have a vested interest in staying put or we are psychologically wired to stay put or both.

Let’s get into the reasons we can’t move on.

1. There’s something you still want from them

Despite their actions that clearly indicate that they are not interested in giving you what you desire, or their inability…

Sometimes when you’re reveling in silence a certain memory or a certain epiphany pops up and it explains something you’ve long been confused about.

It’s like Alan Watts said, “Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.” When the mind isn’t (over)thinking, you get to a state of clarity, and it may just yield something you’ve long forgotten like it did for me today.

Maybe you had to deal with this as a kid, maybe not, but whenever someone would make fun of you and you didn’t like it, you learnt that in order to take the sting out…

There are tons of resources and information online about the things that are wrong about relationships, the collateral damage after a break-up and how to find love the next time around.

But what could also be useful is to know what is right about a relationship. There are many resources and information about that too. But there is one pivotal aspect of a healthy relationship that all other positive traits are linked to.

Moreover, if that specific aspect is absent, the relationship is doomed to fail. …

Based on the people I’ve known who dive deep into self-improvement and self-development, there are two reasons people get into this stuff:

1. They are aware of a specific deficit in character or ability and are looking to improve to a degree that they are happy and comfortable with, and

2. They aren’t entirely sure of what is wrong, but they have a feeling that something is wrong with them.

The first reason is a good enough reason to be in the self-development or self-improvement section of a bookstore or website. The second reason is a bit hairier.

For starters…

When an abuser programs someone to fall for them by showering them with love and then withholds that love in order to get whatever they want from the other person, there we have a trauma bond.

The abused person wants the relationship to work because the positives were quite good but also because they want to get rid of being seen and treated negatively. They want to return to the good old days.

The abused person may have already been used to tumultuous or drama-filled relationships. …

You are probably familiar with the quote from the Buddha where he said, “Desire is the root of suffering.” I even did a blog post where I spoke about what the Buddha actually meant with this statement.

I’ll summarize it here for the sake of brevity and because I know you have other stuff to read or watch or listen to.

Basically, the Buddha was saying that an attachment to a specific outcome is why we suffer. When we get rejected for the job, we suffer. When our favorite team loses, we suffer. …

When you observe the relationships of others or even your own, one thing you might notice is how people change when they enter a new romance.

Some people become happier, more blissful or more carefree. Some might become more jittery and defensive because they have something to protect. Over time their behaviors may shift again and then we see an even greater range of behaviors. People become lethargic and inattentive while others become more domineering. Others grow more passive and they shrink once in the presence of their partner.

People are different and the inner struggle for each of us…